Today is Ullortuneq in Greenland, a public holiday. This public holiday is known as ‘Ullortuneq’, which meanings ‘the longest day’ as 21st June is the summer solstice in the Northern Hemisphere. At such high latitudes, the switch of the seasons is paramount to the survival of the nation, so marking its national day on the summer solstice, the day when the sun has reached its highest latitude for the year and daylight hours are at a maximum makes a great deal of sense.

Bada Bing!

The problem with doing nothing is not knowing when you’re finished.

Therapist: And what do we say when we’re sad? Me: Add to cart. Therapist: No no no!

This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a Twinkie.

Ruin a date in four words or less. You mean four words or fewer.

Antistalking – Learning a person’s routine in order to avoid them.

If you serve your kids frozen pizza for dinner, you’re a terrible parent. I don’t care how busy you are, at least microwave it.

“99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.” ― Steven Wright

I wanted to lose 30 pounds this year. Only 35 more to go.

Once you hit a certain age, you become permanently unimpressed by a lot of shit.

Today is the birthday, in 1944, of Ray Davies, singer and songwriter with the Kinks.