Today is Independence Day in Lesotho – one of my favorite countries. This day marks Lesotho’s independence from Britain in 1966. Lesotho is quite mountainous and reliably gets snow every winter. The lowest point in Lesotho is about 1500 meters above sea level.
Bada Bing!
The pros and cons of making kids…Pros: making…Cons: kids
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
I just used the self-checkout at Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately.
I hate when people ask me what I do for fun because there is no classy way to say “binge drink.”
My goal in life is to piss off at least one person a day. So far, I’m about 4 years ahead of schedule.
My wife and I spend our days saying things like “we make the rules around here” and our nights saying things like “I hope they let us sleep in tomorrow”.
Day 1. Drove by the gym. Baby steps.
You wanna see social distancing? Loan somebody some money.
It’s the time of year when I get to pretend the 5 pounds of candy I’m buying is for trick-or-treaters.
On this day in 1970, Janis Joplin was found dead at the Landmark Hotel Hollywood after an accidental heroin overdose. She was known as “The Queen of Psychedelic Soul” and as “Pearl” to her friends, Joplin remains one of the top-selling musicians in the United States, with over 15.5 million albums sold in the USA.
Today is Peat Cutting Monday in the Falkland Islands. Peat Cutting Monday is a public holiday in the Falkland Islands on the first Monday in October. Traditionally a spring festival, Peat Cutting Day was the time of year when Falkland Islanders went out to cut cubes of surface-soil peat which was then used as the primary fuel for heating homes and cooking food in the islands.
Scary Pumpkin Carving Ideas
Today is the birthday, in 1941, of Chubby Checker who had this great hit
Today is St. Wenceslas Day in the Czech Republic. Also known as ‘Czech Statehood Day’, it is a national holiday in the Czech Republic and has been a public holiday since 2000. It is the feast day of St. Wenceslas, the patron saint of Bohemia, and commemorates his death in 935.
Medical stuff….
On this day in 1976, Stevie Wonder released his eighteenth studio album Songs in the Key of Life, an ambitious double LP with a four-song bonus EP. It debuted at No.1 on the Billboard Chart on October 8, 1976, becoming only the third album in history to achieve that feat and the first by an American artist. It had this song.
Today is Qaumee Dhuvas (meaning ‘National Day’ in Dhivehi, the local language) in the Maldives, a public holiday. Maldives national day celebrates the victory of Muhammad Thakurufaanu Al Auzam over the Portuguese occupation in 1573.
BADA BING!
Pregnant woman: The cat who was completely obsessed with my bump when I was pregnant is quite uninterested in the baby now that she’s out. It’s a weird way to find out that my cat is a republican.
Are you mad Ariel is black? Wait until you see Jesus.
I’m taking my girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name. Someone suggested just looking at our marriage certificate but I think Starbucks will be faster than trying to find that.
Young Me: I hope something good happens. Old Me: I hope whatever bad thing happens is at least funny.
Long line a the Lego store. ME: Looks like people are lined up for blocks.
I bought a donut without sprinkles today. So if I look skinny tomorrow, don’t be surprised.
The leading cause of injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.
It’s hard to win an argument with a smart person. But it’s damn impossible to win an argument with a stupid person.
A dyslexic runs into a bank and shouts, “Air in the hands mother stickers! This is a fuck up!”
My body is not a temple. At best it’s a decaying old cabin in the woods with a horrifying past.
I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning. Now I can’t have sharpies in the house anymore.
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