The transition from rural to suburban…
Teach your kids!
Bada Bing!
What is the first prize in a competition to lose muscle mass? A trophy.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.In our lab, theory and practice are combined,nothing works and no one knows why.
If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor, then Who is.
How to cook crack and clean a crab.Step one: Use commas.
Back in my day, we didn’t have cup holders in our cars.We had to hold our beer between our legs to drive.
I haven’t shoveled the driveway once this year, since I got the flame thrower.
A pastor was giving a children’s sermon and asked: Why do you think I wear this collar?One kid answered: Because it kills ticks and fleas for up to 30 days?
I don’t want to brag or make anyone jealous, but I can still fit into the socks I wore in high school.
One day Youtube, Twitter, and Facebook will join and be called Youtwitface.
It’s sad that even your very best homework efforts gets your kid detention.
I need a new friend. The last one escaped.
Her: Ohhhh…. undress me with your words.Him: There’s a spider in your bra.
If you’re being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.
Other than if I slowed my breathing and stopped blinking, I’m not sure if it would be possible for me to be any lazier than I’ve been today.
I accidentally called Alexa “Siri”. Now the thermostat is set to 90 degrees and I can’t unlock my doors or open my windows.
The first rule of the Condescending Club is really kind of complex and I don’t think you’d understand it even if I explained it to you.
Why it takes me so long to do this every morning…
I didn’t find any good birthday’s today, so here’s another song from the sixties….
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