daily humor

11
Jun
2024

Shiny TUESDAY

Today is King Kamehameha I Day, a public holiday in the State of Hawaii. It honors Kamehameha the Great, who unified the Kingdom of Hawai’i. Kamehameha is noted for uniting the Hawaiian Islands in 1810 and becoming Hawaii’s first king. He ruled until his death in 1819.

Kamehameha Day was established in 1872 by King Kamehameha V, the great-grandchild of Kamehameha, as a national holiday to honor the memory of Kamehameha.

All state and county offices throughout the state will be closed on June 11th in observance of the holiday on Kamehameha Day. Public transport may run on a modified schedule.

Since 1901, it has been a tradition to drape leis (Hawaiian floral garlands) from the statues of the King on the islands.

BADA Bing!!!!

I have reached an age where my mind says, “I can do that,” but my body says, “Try it and you’ll be sorry.”

My wife spent an hour at the salon, and when she came home, she got mad because I didn’t notice she had gotten her hair cut. But my spouse would have been REALLY MAD if she’d known I didn’t even notice she had left the house.

It only took 24 hours for your grandpa and crazy Uncle Jethro to spin it into “Jesus was convicted too.”

How difficult is it to get any 12 people to agree on any 1 thing? Now, multiply that by 34.

Stormy Daniels has set a new world record for pleasuring the most people in a single day.

Dear life, when I said “Can my day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Whoever put the S in fastfood is a marketing genius.

At my age, I don’t often roll a joint, but when I do, it’s my ankle.

Does anyone know where I can get fresh ice cubes? I don’t want any of those frozen ones.

I completely misunderstood Pride Month. Who wants to buy 15 lions?

In honor of Pride Month, I’m using napkins from Chick-fil-A to clog the toilets at Hobby Lobby.

When a man says he will do anything for a woman he means fighting bad guys and killing dragons, not vacuuming or doing dishes.

If someone asks indignantly, “Do you know who my father is?” Answer, “Didn’t your mother tell you?”

Whoever named it “Parmesan Cheese” and not “Spaghetti Confetti” missed a great opportunity.

My half-brother and I are not allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.

A good Smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating something.

I find that the first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest. (Well, for some people.)

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Domesticity…

Today is the birthday, in 1864, of Richard Strauss, German composer and conductor best known for his tone poems and operas. Along with Gustav Mahler, he represents the late flowering of German Romanticism, in which pioneering subtleties of orchestration are combined with an advanced harmonic style. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Szdziw4tI9o

Posted by Tom in classical, Humor, Music
10
Jun
2024

eyes open…monday? MONDAY!!!

Today is the day of the Dragon Boat Festival in many places. The Tuen Ng Festival, otherwise known as the Duanwu or Dragon Boat Festival, has been celebrated on the fifth day of the fifth month of the Chinese lunar calendar for millennia. During this festival, people across Asia, and especially Central and Southern China, gather to watch dragon-shaped boats race along river banks and lakes. 

Legend has it that the holiday honours the tragic death of Chu Yuan, who died in 288 BC. At the time of Warring States, Chu Yuan was a poet and the minister of the state. The King was captured during fighting and in honour and remembrance of the old King, Chu Yuan wrote a poem called “Li Soa.” This angered the new King, who ordered Chu Yuan into exile. Instead of leaving his beloved country, Chu Yuan threw himself into the Mi-Lo River.

The legend proclaims that the people tried to rescue their honored statesmen by chasing him down the river, beating drums to scare away the fish and throwing dumplings into the river so that the fish would not eat his body. Today’s celebrations symbolize the vain attempts of the friends and citizens who raced down the river to save Chu Yuan.

Despite the legend, the festival’s origin is much, much older and is actually connected with very ancient beliefs in the power of the spirits that animated the world and the need to propitiate them. The wish to appease the Water Dragons, who were the spirits of the rivers, will have started on the banks of the great rivers with China’s first agriculturalists.

A dragon boat is a huge war canoe traditionally made from teak that has a dragon’s head carved into the bow and a dragon’s tail carved at the stern. The boats can range up to 100 feet in length and seat anywhere from 20 to 80 paddlers, varying in size. A sacred ritual is held before the race when the eyes are painted on, which is said to “bring the boat to life.” A drummer who sits mid-boat and keeps the time of the oar strokes on a huge drum accompanies all boats.

A gunshot sets the boats off and the beating drums and cymbals from the crowded shores fill the harbors with noise. The races last all day; on the shores of Hong Kong people celebrate with lively song and dance, rooting on their team.

Modern toys…

Today is the birthday, in 1941, of Shirley Owens, singer with American girl group The Shirelles, notable for their popularity in the early 1960s. They were the first all-female black group to have a No.1 hit record with ‘Will You Love Me Tomorrow’ in 1961. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnPlJxet_ac

Posted by Tom in Humor, Music, sixties and seventies
07
Jun
2024

The miracle of FRIDAY

Today is Sette Giugno, a public holiday in Malta. Meaning ‘Seventh of June’ in Italian, this public holiday in Malta commemorates four rioters who were killed by British troops on June 7th 1919.

In 1800, the British had assisted Malta in removing the occupying French forces and the Maltese people had asked to become a sovereign nation in the British Empire. This was ratified in the treaty of Paris in 1815.

Following the end of World War I, tensions had been rising due to the inability of the colonial government to ensure basic supplies to the island. This had led to some merchants being seen to have made a lot of money from the situation, while others fared badly. Added to this was the feeling that political moves for greater autonomy and independence for Malta were seemingly going unheard.

In early June 1919, a change in the governor of the island was treated with scepticism by some and on June 7th, a crowd started removing British flags from buildings that had been flying at half-mast across the island due to the recent death of the President of the Court.

The mob grew in size and turned their attention to the homes of the merchants who had been doing well from the recent supply issues. It was at one of these houses that a standoff between the mob and the army ended in tragedy with the soldiers firing and killing three protestors and injuring fifty others. The uprising continued for a few days during which time, a fourth civilian died from injuries received while resisting arrest.

The uprising was short-lasting, but the bloody events of June 7th 1919 led to the National Assembly drafting the new Constitution. Two years later, Malta was given responsibility for self-government and home affairs and the first Maltese Parliament was set up.

SIGNZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

OOPS!

Today is the birthday, in 1940, of Thomas Woodward, (Tom Jones), Welsh singer who has sold over 100 million records. Scored the 1965 UK No.1 and US No.10 single ‘It’s Not Unusual’ plus over 20 other UK and US Top 40 hit singles. Jones was awarded an OBE in 1999 and received a knighthood from Queen Elizabeth II for “services to music” in 2006. From 2012 to 2015 Jones was one of the four coaches on the BBC television talent show The Voice UK. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIIU9xkGAMs

Posted by Tom in Humor, Music, sixties and seventies
06
Jun
2024

It’s already THURSDAY!

Today is Swedish National Day. Also known as Svenska Flaggans Day (Swedish Flag Day), this public holiday commemorates two historical anniversaries: the coronation of King Gustav Vasa in 1523 and the ratification of the modern constitution on this day in 1809, which established a separation of governmental power.

Sweden had been a part of the Kalmar Union along with Norway and Finland under Danish leadership. The Union was an effort to counter the growing power of the Hanseatic League. Swedes rebelled repeatedly against Danish rule. Eventually, Gustav Vasa organized a rebellion and conquered most of Sweden. He was elected King of Sweden on June 6, essentially ending the Kalmar Union.

BADA BING!!!!

The first 5 Florists I called from the internet knew nothing about flooring or carpet. And suddenly I’m the idiot.

I started dating a TV weather girl. It’s nice to date a woman that’s wrong most of the time.

Me: Alexa, remind me to go to the gym. Alexa: I have added gin to your shopping list. Me: Close enough.

My family told me to get help for my drinking, so I hired a bartender.

TO THE PERSON THAT STOLE MY SHOES WHILE I WAS ON THE BOUNCY CASTLE. GROW UP!!!

Lance isn’t a common name these days, but in medieval times, they named boys Lance a lot.

Are you eating Rice Krispies? No, I’m getting out of bed!

Funny thing about getting older. Your eyesight starts getting weaker but your ability to see through people’s BS gets much better.

Today is the birthday, in 1936, of Levi Stubbs, American baritone singer, best known as the lead vocalist of The Four Tops, (1965 US No.1 single ‘I Can’t Help Myself’, 1967 UK No.6 single ‘Standing In The Shadows of Love’). He was also a voice artist in film and animated television series, most famously for the voice of the alien plant in the 1986 comedic horror film Little Shop of Horrors. Stubbs died on 17th Oct 2008. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUOntQocGWk

Posted by Tom in Humor, Music, sixties and seventies
05
Jun
2024

Oops! WEDNESDAY already!

Today is Constitution Day in Denmark. Constitution Day (Danish: Grundlovsdag) commemorates the anniversary of the signing of the Danish constitution of 1849 by King Frederik VII, which established Denmark as a constitutional monarchy, following the Danish Constituent Assembly of 1848 and 1849. From 1660 until 1849 Denmark had been an absolute monarchy.

The constitution was completely rewritten in 1866 and again on June 5th 1915, when women’s suffrage (given the vote) was introduced. It additionally honors the constitution of 1953, which was adopted on the same day.

many Danes celebrate their nation’s democracy and constitution with fællessang (group singing) and udendørsarrangementer (open-air gatherings) in public parks, where pølser (hotdogs) and beer are enjoyed by friends and family alike in the typically warm Scandinavian June weather. Concerts, theatre performances, art exhibitions, and other cultural events are organized to celebrate Constitution Day. These events showcase Danish talent and creativity while reflecting the cultural diversity and richness of the country.

Flag-raising ceremonies are held in different cities and towns across Denmark. The Danish flag, known as the Dannebrog, is raised in public spaces, symbolizing unity and national pride.

Denmark can claim the oldest monarchy in Europe. Queen Magrethe II can trace her direct lineage back to the 10th century.

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The Verdict

On this day in 2023, Brazilian samba and bossa nova singer Astrud Gilberto died at home in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania aged 83. Her version of ‘The Girl from Ipanema’ won a Grammy for Record of the Year in 1965. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIdYg3wy9kI

Posted by Tom in Humor, Music, World