daily humor

From XKCD…

Bada Bing!

A lady manager of a big reputed office asked a newly recruited man to come into her office.“What is your name?” was the first thing she asked the new guy.“John,” he replied.She scowled, “Look… I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked in before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only … Smith, Jones, Baker …that’s all.I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”The new guy sighed, “Darling………… My name is John Darling.”“Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is ….. ‘Not ALL rules need be followed.’ “

I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn.And now we wait.

Before the days of digital cameras and cell phones, Snow White dropped off some film at the drug store to have it developed. The pictures weren’t coming back. She came into the store every day for three weeks to check to see if they were available. The manager found out about this and was furious at his employees for not telling him about this. The next day the manager was there to meet her. He said, “Miss White I’m so sorry about this. I want to let you know that I am personally looking into this to find out where your pictures are. Your pictures will be free and here’s a $20 gift card for your trouble.” Snow White said, “It’s OK. No big deal.” The manager was astonished she didn’t seem to care. So he asked her “Why aren’t you upset?” She replied, “Someday my prints will come.”

I injured my back in Egypt and had to see a Cairopractor.

Well, I was driving the other day. I saw a sign that said speed checked by Radar. I always wondered what happened to him after M.A.S.H.

Did you hear that Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were killed when their plane went down?A bird flew into the engine.Killed two stones with one bird!

They say there was a 100-meter butterfly in Tokyo today. I’m blaming the nuclear power plant.

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.” The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.” The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says ‘Your Eminence’.” The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.” Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well …?” She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38″ DD bust, 24″ waist, and 34” hips. When she walks into a room, everybody says, “Oh My God.”

Today is the birthday, in 1943 of Veronica Yvette Bennett, who, with her older sister Estelle Bennett and her cousin Nedra Talley formed The Ronettes. Later she married her producer, Phil Spector. She divorced him in 1972. The Ronettes had a number of hits, including this…