daily humor

Ugh. Must be MONDAY!!!

Have something to eat

You can't buy bagels with cream cheese. Are you crazy?!

Try some yoga

Due Today

So….

The owner of a seafood restaurant sends one of his sons undercover to his rival's restaurant. 

The dad tells him to get a job as a cook and figure out the recipe for his rival's famous clam chowder. 

The first day, the son comes home with a basic list of ingredients that the rival uses. They try making it, but it doesn't turn out the same. The dad sends him back. 

The second day, the son comes home having watched the rival chef prepare the chowder. They try again to make it, and it's close, but the consistency is off. 

"It's too watery!" said the dad. "It needs to be thicker!"

They try to figure out what they're doing wrong, and the son realizes that he was distracted for a minute while the chef did something. 

"He must have added a secret ingredient, one not on the list, while you looked away!" concludes the dad. 

He sends his son back for a third day, this time telling him not to take his eyes off the chef for a second. The son comes back the next day excited. 

"You'll never believe what I saw!" he says. "He did have a secret ingredient, it's a piece of paper!"

"A piece of paper?"

"Yeah, he keeps a stack of printed paper in the kitchen. It's a bunch of Wikipedia articles he's printed out, of various movies. When he makes the chowder, he tears out the synopsis of a movie from one of the articles and puts it in. It's the strangest thing, but that's the secret ingredient."

"Ah," says the dad, "the plot thickens."

Today is the birthday, in 1943, of Mick Jagger.

Posted by Tom

Oh, THURSDAY

Uh oh…

Twitter reaction to Jeff Bezos spaceflight.
Twitter reaction to Jeff Bezos spaceflight.
Twitter reaction to Jeff Bezos spaceflight.

Today is the birthday, in 1947, of Don Henley, drummer, guitarist and vocalist for The Eagles. Henley sang lead vocals on a number of their hits including Witchy Woman, Hotel California, Desperado, Best of my Love, One of These Nights and others.

Posted by Tom in Humor, Music, sixties and seventies

Weary WEDNESDAY

Hard to disagree with this one

Today is the birthday, in 1948, of Cat Stevens/Yusuf. He is a remarkable singer and composer and this is one of his many famous songs.

Posted by Tom in Humor, Music, sixties and seventies

The TUESDAY story

Begin with editing

Bada Bing!

Me: Alexa, remind me to go to the gymAlexa: I have added gin to your shopping list.Me: Close enough.

Tapes had a side A and side B. It’s only logical that their successor would be the CD.

Do you know how weird it is being the same age as old people?

Wife: I have blisters on my hands from the broom!Husband: Well, next time take the car!

Me at 16: The radio station is playing my song.Me at 25: The bar is playing my song.Me now: The grocery store is playing my song.

Waiter: What can I get you? The Dad: I’ll have the rabbit stew.Waiter: I’ll only bring you that if you promise not to say, “There’s a hare in my soup”.The Dad:

Waiter:The Dad:

I’ll have the chicken.

Juan Vega, the world-famous clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health.From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan’s side. The otter even learned to dig for clams.One day, a man went to Juan’s house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door, “Sure,” his wife said. “It will cost you $500.”The man exclaimed, “That much?”Juan’s wife replied, “But you’re getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else on this coast.”The man protested, “I just want Juan. I will hire him alone for $350.” “Sorry,” Juan’s wife said. “You can’t have Juan without the otter.”

Today is the birthday, in 1945, of John Lodge, bass and vocals with the English band, Moody Blues.

Posted by Tom in Humor, Music, sixties and seventies