Today’s holiday is Restoration of Independence Day in Portugal. This national holiday in Portugal is always celebrated on December 1st and marks the reinstatement of sovereignty after the period of Spanish rule between 1580 and 1640. On December 1st 1640, after 60 years of Spanish rule, the crowning of Philip I, the Portuguese monarchy was restored and a new ruling dynasty, the House of Bragança, was founded.
Probably has a bitter taste.
Bada Bing!
Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.There would be mass confusion.
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There’s a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”The priest replies, “Get out. You’re on my side.”
What’s the dumbest thing you did as a kid?Wished I was an adult.
Today I asked my class to come up with a pair of terms that share a denotative meaning but whose connotative meanings differ.One student came up with “butt dial” and “booty call”.
Professor: You’re currently failing your ethics class.Me: *slides a $20 across the desk* How about now?
Why do we call them olives and not Greece’s Pieces?
It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to remind yourself why you don’t go out.
Stop, Drop, and Roll was always such a big deal as a kid, I really thought I’d be on fire more than this as an adult.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken.
A group of engineering professors were invited to fly a plane. Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students. All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic. The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?””I have plenty of confidence in my students. Knowing them, I can assure you this plane will never even start”
A man wants to deposit money at a Swiss bank.”How much do you want to deposit?” asks the bank employee.Whispers the man, “Three million.””You can speak up,” says the bank clerk. “In Switzerland, poverty is not a disgrace.”
I asked my parachute instructor what happens if it doesn’t open. He said you’re jumping to a conclusion.
What’s the name of the woman who stands behind the football goal posts? Annette.
Today is the birthday, in 1936, of Lou Rawls. During his career he released more than 60 albums and sold more than 40 million records.
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