Tom

Today is St. Joseph’s Day. the principal feast day of Saint Joseph, husband of the Virgin Mary and legal father of Jesus Christ. It has the rank of a solemnity in the Catholic Church. It is a feast or commemoration in the provinces of the Anglican Communion, and a feast or festival in the Lutheran Church. Saint Joseph’s Day is the Patronal Feast day for Poland as well as for Canada, persons named Joseph, Josephine, etc., for religious institutes, schools and parishes bearing his name, and for carpenters. It is also Father’s Day in some Catholic countries, mainly Spain, Portugal, and Italy.

Saint Joseph’s Day is also the day when the swallows are traditionally believed to return to Mission San Juan Capistrano after having flown south for the winter. If you see some other small bird there before today, locals will tell you it is ‘not a swallow’.

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Nice feature…

BADA BING!!!

am getting to that age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if you don’t have enough for everyone.

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne.”

Me: Be kind, you never know what someone is going through. Also me: Nice turn signal fuck face!

Help someone in trouble and they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.

Lying in bed at 4AM realizing I should have said something else in an argument I had in 2012.

I often wonder what people have against the horse I rode in on.

The real reason eggs are in short supply is because all the chickens are in Congress.

Her: Oh my god it’s so huge! But according to statistics, that’s what women say about a small spider also.

id you know if you garden naked your neighbors will build a privacy fence at no cost to you?

I can’t tell if I attract crazy or if I make them that way.

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you. I might be picturing you on fire.

Elon is having a terrible week, but hear me out – he deserves even worse.

I’ve finally realized that I have a lot going for me! My eyes are going, my knees are going, my back is going…

That hour we lost was the one I was going to use to get my life together.

It fascinates me that giving to charities is considered noble and praiseworthy, but creating a society that doesn’t require charity is considered socialist and bad.

I miss the days when the scariest thing on TV was ‘The Twilight Zone’ and not the ‘Evening News’.

I’m so old I remember taping a penny to a record player needle just to stop it from skipping!

People who say that they don’t have time for my BS need to learn how to manage their time better.

“Remember, write to your Congressman. Even if he can’t read, write to him.” (Will Rogers)

Don’t piss off anyone who’s 65+. The older people get, the less “Life In Prison” is a deterrent.

When someone asks me how old I am, I tell them I once ate a grilled cheese sandwich while sitting at a Woolworth’s lunch counter.

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PUNS

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Today is the birthday, in 1946, of Paul Atkinson, guitarist with The Zombies who had four US hits, ‘She’s Not There’, ‘Tell Her No’, ‘She’s Coming Home’, and ‘Time of the Season’. He later became an A&R executive, working for Columbia and RCA, discovering and signing such bands as ABBA, Bruce Hornsby, Mr. Mister, Judas Priest, and Michael Penn. Atkinson died on 1st April 2004 aged 58. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2hXBf1DakE

Today is Sheelah’s Day. Also known as Sheelagh’s Day, (Ir. Lá ‘le Síle) it is an Irish cultural holiday celebrated on 18 March. Traditionally, Sheelah’s Day (Lá ‘le Síle) was celebrated the day after the Feast of Saint Patrick and coincided with the Christian festivities. According to Irish folklore and mythology, Sheelah / Síle (Old Ir. Sighile) was either the wife or mother of Saint Patrick, (Naomh Pádraig) and the holiday served to commemorate her life.

Irish antiquarian journals and newspapers from the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries mention a wife of Saint Patrick. Freeman’s Journal referenced Sheelah’s Day in 1785, 1811, and 1841. Australian press from the nineteenth century recorded observances of Sheelah’s Day, including the consumption of large amounts of alcohol. Sheelah’s Day is no longer officially celebrated in Ireland, but continues to be celebrated in Newfoundland, Canada after Irish immigrants arrived in the late seventeenth century.

In Newfoundland the holiday may also be connected to the legend of the Irish princess Sheila NaGeira.

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Jesus must have been here…

Today is the birthday, in 1941, of American singer and songwriter Wilson Pickett, who recorded over 50 songs which made the US R&B charts, many of which crossed over to the Billboard Hot 100. Among his best-known hits are ‘In the Midnight Hour’ (which he co-wrote), ‘Land of 1,000 Dances’, ‘Mustang Sally’, and ‘Funky Broadway’. Pickett died of a heart attack on 19 Jan 2006 aged 64. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4w0kyYmYVo

Today The Hindu ‘festival of colors’, Holi, is celebrated in many parts of the world. Holi was originally a festival to celebrate the start of Spring, good harvests and fertility of the land. The first mentions of it date back to a poem from the 4th century.

Today it is better known as a symbolic commemoration of a legend from Hindu Mythology. The story is that there was once a king who resented his son, Prince Prahlada, worshiping Lord Vishnu. He tries to murder the prince on several occasions but fails each time.

Finally, the king’s sister Holika who is said to be immune to burning sits with the boy inside a fire. However, the prince emerges unhurt, while his aunt burns in the fire and dies. Huge bonfires are burnt on the eve of Holi as a symbolic representation of Holika’s cremation.

The tradition of throwing brightly colored powder and water is said to come from the love story between two Hindu gods, Radha and Krishna. Krishna is famously depicted as having bright blue skin and the legend has it that he was sad he didn’t have a fair complexion like Radha. He told his mother about this and she suggested that instead of wishing for fair skin, he should instead smear Radha with paint, so they both have coloured skin; hence the tradition of trying to ‘color’ others as a sign of affection at Holi.

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Bad day for someone…

Looks pretty suspicious…

Another reason to stop smoking…

Today is the birthday, in 1945, of James O’Rourke, guitarist and singer with John Fred & His Playboy Band who scored the 1968 US No.1 & UK No.3 single ‘Judy In Disguise’. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaWaQBxc0aI

Today is the anniversary of the Martyrdom of Hypatia of Alexandria in 415. Hypatia was a Neoplatonist philosopher, astronomer, and mathematician who lived in Alexandria, Egypt: at that time a major city of the Eastern Roman Empire. In Alexandria, Hypatia was a prominent thinker who taught subjects including philosophy and astronomy., and in her lifetime was renowned as a great teacher and a wise counselor.

She wrote a commentary on Diophantus’s thirteen-volume Arithmetica, which may survive in part, having been interpolated into Diophantus’s original text, and another commentary on Apollonius of Perga’s treatise on conic sections, which has not survived. Many modern scholars also believe that Hypatia may have edited the surviving text of Ptolemy’s Almagest, based on the title of her father Theon’s commentary on Book III of the Almagest.

Hypatia constructed astrolabes and hydrometers, but did not invent either of these, which were both in use long before she was born. She was tolerant toward Christians and taught many Christian students, including Synesius, the future bishop of Ptolemais. Ancient sources record that Hypatia was widely beloved by pagans and Christians alike and that she established great influence with the political elite in Alexandria.

She was murdered by a mob of Christians because she was female, smart and pagan. They dragged her into a building known as the Kaisarion, a former pagan temple and center of the Roman imperial cult in Alexandria that had been converted into a Christian church. There, the mob stripped Hypatia naked and murdered her. Damascius adds that they also cut out her eyeballs. They tore her body into pieces and dragged her limbs through the town to a place called Cinarion, where they set them on fire.

There have been numerous books written about or including Hypatia and a couple of movies. She is considered by some to be the first ‘witch’ punished by Christians.

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Back when hospitals were fun! (and you could smoke

SIGNS ——

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Today is the birthday, in 1957, of Marlon Jackson, from American family music group The Jackson 5. They were the first group to debut with four consecutive No.1 hits on the Hot 100 with the songs ‘I Want You Back’, ‘ABC’, ‘The Love You Save’, and ‘I’ll Be There’. And with The Jacksons, had the 1979 hit ‘Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground)’. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3Q80mk7bxE

On this day in 1845, unhappy with the interpretation of the Treaty of Waitangi, Hone Heke and other Maori chiefs and warriors cut down the flagpole at Kororakera (then capital of New Zealand) precipitating the Flagstaff War.

The Treaty, the foundational document of New Zealand, had several notable differences between the Maori version and the English version. A bill this year to reinterpret the treaty has generated substantial opposition and would amount, in the view of many, to represent a breach of the treaty. In parliament, one of the youngest members, 22-year old Hana-Rawhiti Maipi-Clarke led a haka to protest the bill.

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Bada Bing!!

Why do underwear and socks come in resealable bags but potato chips don’t?

Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.

I’m still waiting for someone to explain how a 78-year-old can grow a brand-new ear but somehow couldn’t recover from bone spurs in his youth.

My son is taking part in a social experiment. He has to wear a “GO Vegan” t-shirt for 2 weeks and see how people react. So far, he’s been spit on, punched, and had a bottle thrown at him. I’m curious to see what happens when he goes outside.

Why are people allowed to be stupid but I’m not allowed to point it out?

Der Furor’s doing quite a job – the stock market is falling faster than a Russian from a tenth-floor window.

I’ve walked the walk and talked the talk. At my age I’m just gonna sit the sit.

For the first time in history you can simply post, “He’s an idiot”, and 90% of the world will know who you’re talking about.

I still can’t believe over 70-million people booked a second trip on the Titanic.

As the saying goes, we want to be open-minded, but not so open that our brains fall out.

“Hooray! English is the official language of the USA!” 54 percent of you read at or below a 6th grade level. 21 percent of you are functionally illiterate.  No it isn’t.

You’re not a parent until you’ve secretly wished your child’s sports team does bad in a tournament so you can go home early.

I’m trying to stop being mean but it’s like y’all have to stop being stupid first.

Way to go, MAGA voters. Now you actually have the horrible economy that you pretended to have under Biden and Obama.

There is zero history of hurricanes in the Gulf of America. When are the insurance premiums going to drop? (Spell checker tried to correct the Gulf of America)

One time a guy showed me a picture and said, “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger”. I told him, “Every picture of you is a picture of you when you were younger”.

Fun Fact: a blue whale’s anus can stretch to approximately 3.5 feet in diameter.  That makes it the second biggest asshole in the world.

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On this day in 2008, Madonna was inducted into the US Rock and Roll Hall of Fame at a star-studded ceremony in New York City, she received her honor at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel from singer Justin Timberlake. The 49-year-old thanked her detractors in an acceptance speech, including those who ‘said I couldn’t sing, that I was a One Hit Wonder’. Rock star John Mellencamp, Leonard Cohen, The Ventures and The Dave Clark Five were also among the inductees. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpzdgmqIHOQ