Today is Culture and Literacy Day, a public holiday in Bulgaria. It is also known as ‘Bulgarian Education and Culture, and Slavonic Literature Day’ or ‘Alphabet Day’ and is Saints Methodius and Cyril Day and is celebrated following the Orthodox calendar on May 24th. Saints Cyril and Methodius were two Byzantine brothers born in Thessalonica in the 9th century. Part of a prominent Christian family, their father was Greek and their mother was Bulgarian.
They are credited with devising the Glagolitic alphabet. At the request of the Moravian prince Rastislav, they began to transcribe religious books from Greek into Old Bulgarian.
Their alphabet is seen as the precursor to Cyrillic, which was named after Cyril. Today most of the Slavic countries, including Russia, still use an extension of that alphabet.
Learn your weather terminology!
School Lunch
BADA BING!!
Friend at door…”Are you decent?” Me: “Not morally, but I’m wearing pants if that’s what you’re asking.”
Sometimes instead of cleaning the house, I watch an episode of Hoarders & then I think my house doesn’t look that bad.
Well, well, well… If it isn’t the consequences of my own actions.
I sent my picture to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back. They said they weren’t that lonely.
All I’m saying is, at any point during that ride through the desert, he could have given that horse a name.
Someone stole the 5th month from my calendar…I’m really dismayed.
Being an introvert isn’t easy. Imagine waiting for a reply without sending a message.
The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.
The difference between genius and stupidity is, genius has its limits.
If your dream is to travel back in time, just book a ticket to Florida
Today is Labour Day, a public holiday in Jamaica. Labour Day in Jamaica commemorates a labor rebellion on this day in 1938 that contributed to Jamaican independence. The rebellion was led by Alexander Bustamante who gained prominence during the rebellion, becoming a noted trade union leader and eventually becoming Jamaica’s first prime minister following independence.
COURT LIFE
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Today is St. Helena’s Day – a public holiday on St. Helena Island. It commemorates the discovery of the island by the Portuguese explorer João da Nova, said to be on May 21st, 1502. St. Helena is a British Overseas Territory and is one of the most remote islands in the world. It is about 1200 miles west of the coast of Africa and about 2500 miles east of South America. The island has a population of about 4400 and is about 47 square miles.
Flag of St. Helena
Today is the birthday, in 1941, of Jackie Landry Jackson, singer, from girl group, The Chantels, who had the 1958 top 20 hit ‘Maybe’ and the 1961 hit ‘Look In My Eyes’. She died on December 23, 1997. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IePTH1PWzAs
Today is Commemoration of Atatürk, Youth and Sports Day (Atatürk’ü Anma, Gençlik ve spor Bayramı), a national holiday in Turkey, always celebrated on May 19th. The holiday commemorates Mustafa Kemal’s landing at the Black Sea city of Samsun on May 19th 1919, which is regarded as the beginning of the Turkish War of Independence.
Today is the birthday, in 1949, of Dusty Hill, bass, keyboardist, and co-vocalist with ZZ Top, who had the 1984 US No.8 and 1985 UK No.16 single ‘Legs’. ZZ Top has had global album sales in excess of 50 million as of 2014. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae829mFAGGE
Today is Flag and Universities Day, a public holiday in Haiti. The date commemorates the creation of the Haitian flag in 1803. The Haitian flag was adopted on May 18th 1803, on the last day of the Congress of Arcahaie. The congress was a meeting that had two key outcomes; the establishment of a united command of the revolutionary army under the supreme authority of Jean-Jacques Dessalines, and the adoption of a flag by the indigenous army. Jean-Jacques Dessalines created the flag by taking a French tricolour and ripping out the white centre. His god-daughter, Catherine Flon, sewed the remaining horizontal bands together – the tricolour became the bi-colour. The blue in the Haitian flag is said to represent the Haitian’s of African descent and red for the Gens de couleur (French for ‘people of color’). In 1919, the government added Universities Day as part of the celebrations. Highlighting the educational system was seen as important by the government as they saw the educational system was under threat due to the U.S. occupation of Haiti that started in 1915.
Badly needed feature
BADA BING!!
Did you know muffins spelled backward is what you do when you take them out of the oven?
I got up at 5am not to watch the coronation but to sit on the throne.
You can say “Have a nice day” no problem, but you can’t say ‘Enjoy the next 24 hours’ without sounding like a hitman.
“Incontinence hotline, please hold.”
Exorcist: I’m here to remove the demon that has possessed you. Me: I didn’t call you. Demon: I did.
It takes a serious amount of balls to golf like I do.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Him, holding sign by the road…Need money…Not homeless…Wife keeps buying plants
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