Today is Singapore National Day, a public holiday in Singapore. It marks Singapore’s sovereignty, which was gained on this day in 1965 after separating from the Federation of Malaysia.
By Age 35…
Bada Bing!
I may not have been my mother’s favorite child, but I was the first one she thought of when the police showed up.
When I told my Dad over the phone that my husband has the flu, he said, “Have you tried euthanasia?” In the background, mom yelled, “For the last time, it’s ECHINACEA!”
I bought my girlfriend 4 pregnancy tests and they all came out positive. Now she’s crying…She said, “How are we going to feed 4 kids?”
Walmart is opening dental offices in some of its stores. There will be an express lane for 12 teeth or less.
Dear Lottery, I demand a recount. It’s clear your machines are corrupt; everyone knows I won; it was clearly stolen from me.
Don’t wait until you’re on your deathbed to tell people how you feel. You could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
Oh, you like bad boys? Well, sometimes I cite articles I’ve only skimmed.
Waiter: “Anything to drink mam?” 4yo: “My mom needs a fucking margarita.” … So, yeah, they’re always listening.
My save for later cart on Amazon is up to about 1.2 million dollars.
Olivia Newton John; 1948 – 2022
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