TUESDAY

Today is Betico Croes Day (Dia di Betico), a public holiday in Aruba. This official holiday in Aruba marks the birthday of Betico Croes, known as the father of the Aruban nation. Aruba is an island and a constituent country of the Kingdom of the Netherlands in the southern Caribbean Sea.

Bada Bing!

I’m getting a Ph.D. so when I get something in the mail that I’ve purchased, I can say, “Ah, just what the doctor ordered!” every single time until I die!

Romeo: Juliet is the sun!Neil deGrasse Tyson: (loudly from the balcony) NO SHE ISN’T!

She passed on the scalloped potatoes because “I really don’t like seafood.” It was at that moment that I knew she was dumb enough to sleep with me.

I was at the store and there was an X on the floor by the register marking the place for me to stand. I’ve seen too many road runner cartoons to fall for that crap.

How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your pan? You take away their little brooms.

People on benefits aren’t negatively affecting your life in the slightest. Your life sucks because of the rich, and blaming people on benefits is exactly what they want you to do.

They say it’s better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable.But how about a compromise like moderately well off and moody?

Dad! I need your help. I’ve got a flat tire.  Can’t your husband help? I called him but he’s busy.  OK, do you have a spare? I called him too but he didn’t answer.

Bats now use the term “trumpshit crazy”.

The look on your face when you try to leave work a little early and your boss reminds you that you have 7 hours left.

Teacher: Name a book that made you cry. Me: Algebra.

Just helped a neighbor bury a rolled-up carpet in the woods. Her boyfriend would’ve done it, but he’s out of town.

I played a game of quiet tennis today. It’s like regular tennis but without the racket.

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

A big storm is coming and everyone is buying Milk, bread, and eggs. Apparently, during a storm, you’re supposed to make french toast.

I got an email saying, “At Google Earth, we can read maps backward!” I thought, “That’s just spam.”

I haven’t lost all my marbles yet, but there’s definitely a small hole in the bag somewhere.

On this day in 1964, the Beatles scored their first number one hit in the U.S.