Today is Foundation Day in Saudi Arabia. The public holiday commemorates the foundation of the first Saudi state in 1727 by Imam Mohammed ibn Saud.
Headline words!
Bada Bing!
I’m in Home Depot and some kid called me an old fart. So if you’re missing your kid, he’s in the red LG dryer in aisle 17.
She said, “I’m done with dating sites. I’m now focusing on pizza delivery guys because at least I know they have a job, a car, and pizza.”
Fauci says nausea and headaches are symptoms of talking to Rand Paul.
My friend asked me the other day if I’ve ever paid for sex. I reminded him that I have children. So yes, I’ve paid dearly for it.
Teacher: “Barron, where’s your homework?”Barron: “My dad flushed it down the toilet.”
Trump Accuses His Ex-Accountants of Using Math.
I just found out that Albert Einstein was a real person. All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
I’m adopting a healthier lifestyle. I parked and walked inside to buy donuts instead of using the drive-thru.
I’m not mean. I’m just too old to pretend I like you.
I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 in the morning and drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.
My life is just a series of WTF moments separated by snacks.
Hats off to the waiter that kept a straight face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of lasagna.
Have we checked all food to see if making it explode makes it into something better? Or did we just stop with popcorn?
No good birthdays today so here are the Mindbenders!
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