Yes…Monday again.

Schools are beginning to reopen…

Unfortunately, the breeding population of Mars was entirely sysadmins, resulting in dangerous founder effects. On the plus side, their revolution against Earth will be entirely passive-aggressive.

Uh Oh….

Scientists have grown human vocal cords in a petri dish.The results speak for themselves.

The two horses slipped behind the barn and quickly removed each other’s harness. There, with nothing to rein them in, it would be a night of unbridled passion.

I can’t take my dog to the park as all the ducks keep trying to bite him…My fault for getting one that’s pure bread.

If you put Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry together in a room, who’s the first to realize they’re full of shit?The room.

Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry are stuck on a deserted island, who survives? Texas.

I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki.I dropped her off at work one day and she vanished into Finnair.

Paddy and John are working on a building site. Paddy says to John, “I need a day off, I’m going to pretend I’ve gone mad!” Paddy climbs up to the rafters, hangs upside down from them, and shouts, “I’m a light bulb! I’m a light bulb!” while John looks on in amazement. The foreman shouts, “Paddy go home, you’ve gone mad!” As Paddy packs his kit, the foreman sees John packing his kit as well. Foreman says, “John where do you think you’re going?!” John says, “Well I’m not working in the friggen’ dark!”

My wife is really mad at our next door neighbor because she is always sunbathing nude in her backyard.Personally, I’m on the fence.

What’s the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?The amateur thief says, “Give me all your money!”The professional thief says, “Sign here please.”

I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.