Today’s holiday is ‘St. George’s Day in Georgia’. This holiday commemorates the torture of St. George on the wheel for refusing to make sacrifices to the Roman gods. The day may also be known as ‘The Breaking on the Wheel of Holy Greatmartyr George’. Celebrate…I guess.
Holiday Spirit
BADA BING!
I’m jealous of toddlers and their lack of social norms.Imagine seeing someone you don’t want to talk to, and the second they open their mouth, you just scream “NO” and run away.
16 2/3, 33 1/3, 45, and 78.A quick memory will recall the significance of these numbers in record speed.
My new dentist called back in to make another impression of my teeth.Needless to say, he didn’t make a good first impression.
Threw out my back sleeping and tweaked my neck sneezing. I’m probably one strong fart away from total paralysis.
*Brings therapist to family gathering.*Me: See?!Therapist: OH. MY. GOD.!
Over 300 insurrectionists have been turned in by their ex-wives.
Just so you know, asking a taxi driver how much it would cost to get somewhere is a fare question.
If there was a pill to cure procrastination, I would probably take it tomorrow.
So my neighbor’s wife left him last week. She said she was going out for milk and never came back.I asked him how he was coping.He said, “Not bad. I’ve been using some of that powdered stuff”.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
There’s this fella who loves two women.One makes incredible pancakes. The other writes beautiful poetry.Should he marry for batter or for verse?
Relationships are just two people constantly asking each other what they want to eat until one of them dies.
I got so drunk last night, I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest.
So I was in my garden today and the neighbor looked over the fence and said, “What are you doing?”“I’m putting all my plants in alphabetical order.”She replied, “Really? I don’t know how you find the time!”Oh, that’s easy I said, “It’s right next to the sage.”
Two college professors, a professor of history and a professor of psychology, were vacationing at a nudist colony. They were sitting on the colony’s deck, watching the sunset. The history professor turned to the psychology professor and asked “Have you read Marx?” “Yes”, he replied, “I think they’re from the wicker chairs.”
Today is the birthday, in 1939, of Betty Everett. She was born in Greenwood, Mississippi which was also the birthplace of many other musicians including Robert Johnson, Guitar Slim and Bobby Gentry. Greenwood was also the birthplace of Morgan Freeman and a huge number of athletes. Everett became famous with this number one hit:
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