TWOSDAY

Today is the Day of the Unification of the Romanian Principalities (Romanian: Ziua Unirii Principatelor Române), a public holiday in Romania. It celebrates the Union of the Romanian Principalities on this day in 1859. Since the 14th century, Moldavia and Wallachia had been principalities in Eastern Europe. In 1859, Alexandru Ioan Cuza was elected as ruler in both principalities, creating the Union of the Romanian Principalities.

Diet in Utah!

Bada Bing!

“My wife and I have decided we don’t want any kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.”

To the person who hacked my account, I will find you. Edit: No you won’t.

Back in my day, there was so much Toilet Paper and Eggs that we would throw them at the houses of our enemies!

The best thing about being old is that I did all my stupid shit before the internet.

My wife just said, “It’s freezing in here.” Let the annual Thermostat Games begin.

I went to a ballet last night. All those women dancing on their tip-toes. Made me wonder why they didn’t just find taller women.

My friend’s a stutterer.

He was telling us a story about his Nanna. By the time he finished, we were all singing “Hey Jude”.

A doctor asked a blonde her name. She thought about it for a minute and said Angi! The doctor asked why it took so long to remember her name. Well, I had to sing the whole song to remember… Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear…..

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who genuinely have a medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.

Doc: I’m afraid you’re going deaf. Me: Well, that was not easy to hear.