Tom

Bada Bing!

I started a band called “Blanket”.It’s a cover band.

How does a farmer find new cows to buy?He looks through the cattlelog.

British English has only three vowels: A, I, O.They have left E.U.

Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers is that true?Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

I just got accepted in a porn movie role.I’m the husband going to work.

My wife said to me, “You’re shagging that girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllwyrndrobwyllllantisiliogogogoch, aren’t you?”I said, “How could you say such a thing?”

Hooters is trying to stay afloat during this pandemic so they are starting door to door service thus a name change is in order.They will now be known as Knockers.

Doctors have just discovered another deadly pathogen, they are calling it the Peekaboo Virus.Doctors are sending anyone with Peekaboo, straight to ICU.

Whenever my enemies are badly cut, I never throw salt in their wounds.That would be adding in salt to injury.

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?Annette.

What do you call it when you’re milking a cow, and the milk goes everywhere but in the bucket?Udder chaos.

Is it a solar or lunar eclipse where the sun passes in front of the moon?Neither. That would be an apoca-clipse.

Two men were hunting deep in the woods one late afternoon. As the sun set over the horizon, the two hunters realized they were lost. Finding themselves outside of signal range and miles from civilization, they mulled over their options for rescue.”Oh,” one man perked up, “I remember reading that if you fire three shots in the air, it’s a sign of distress for anyone in the area.”With a nod from his friend, the young man fired three shots into the air. After waiting another twenty minutes and seeing no sign of help, they fired three more times. After waiting another half hour, the two shared a glance of desperation.”I don’t think this is working.””Yeah,” his friend responded, “and we’re running out of arrows.”

Today is the birthday, in 1950, of Chris Stein, co-founder and guitarist of the New Wave band Blondie. Here is one of the many songs he composed along with the lead singer, Debbie Harry. I like this song.