Today is Independence Day, a public holiday in Liberia. The date commemorates the adoption of the Liberian Constitution and declaration of independence in 1947.
Bada Bing!
My husband said he did a double take when he first met me. But I’ve also seen him do a double take on a free pile of dirt.
Maintenance came by today but only left a note. The note said, “Black cat said NO!”
Me: How many loads of laundry can this thing hold? Salesperson: Ummm… This is a dining table. Me: And?
I hate it when I go out in public and the public is there.
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place? — Steven Wright
Absurdity is assigning you “The Grapes of Wrath” at 16 and tear-gassing you at 26 for understanding it.
Getting older is just one body part after another saying, “HA! You think that’s bad? Watch this!”
My goal in life is to piss off at least one person a day. So far I’m about 4 years ahead of schedule.
One great thing about this heat. You can be guaranteed no one is waiting in your backseat to kill you.
Men, if you are over 50, leave the young girls alone and find a woman who understands the signs of a stroke.
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